The Bureau of Labor Statistics reports that women make about 25% less than men for doing the same jobs equally well. Few of us, however, understand the insidious, communicative behaviors that contribute to this dynamic.
A coworker came to me one day with a plan. “I could be wrong,” she said as she explained what she wanted to do, adding, “You know what I mean?” Why would she think she was wrong? Why wouldn’t I know what she meant? She is intelligent and articulate, but she is guilty of something many women do that undermines their ability to get ahead: using words and phrases that create the impression of under confidence.
If you are a woman (or a man for that matter) you need to check your written words and face-to-face communication for phrases that make you seem unsure. Phrases or words like the following could have a major impact on your coworkers’ ability to see you as the knowledgeable authority you are.
“I’m probably wrong, but these numbers seem to check out.” These phrases are called qualifiers and they imply that you are afraid to come on too strong because you might offend someone by being right. Women especially like to build harmony and don’t want to seem forceful.
Women, there is no need to apologize for knowing your job. Don’t second guess yourself once you know you are right. Triple check the numbers, then try rephrasing like this, “I triple checked the numbers. They are correct.”
“I think/feel/believe…” is another common set of words we use that undermines our success. The words think, feel, or believe weaken your sentence whether you are speaking or writing. Let’s say your boss asks you how things are going in your department. You have had a great week. You could say to her, “Really well. Sales for this week exceeded our goals by 8%,” but instead you say, “I think things are OK. Seems like it’s going pretty well.” Which sentences will create the impression of success?
Pay attention to the way you speak over the next week. Tell your coworkers you are trying to sound more confident and ask them to bring to your attention words you are using that could be impairing your ability to sound sure of yourself. Within one month you will change others’ perceptions of you. Know what I mean?
About the Author:
Conne Reece, Ph.D. has been a professor of communication at Lock Haven University of Pennsylvania for 23 years. 
She teaches basic- and advanced-level communication courses with topics including business speaking and writing, teamwork, leadership, professionalism, intergenerational communication, interpersonal communication, public relations, social media strategies, performance evaluation, basic supervisory techniques, proposal writing, and managing organizational culture and climate. Her primary area of expertise is in job search strategies including résumé and cover letter writing, e-portfolio development and interview techniques. In addition, she has interest in intercultural and family cultural issues that have an impact on workplace relationships. Reece won Lock Haven University’s Peers’ Choice Excellence in Pedagogy Award and is a Certified Professional Résumé Writer.
Reece has authored and co-authored dozens works including Managing Multigenerations for Profit and Harmony, A Psycholinguistic Comparative Study of the Strategic Conflict-handling Behavior of Russian and American College Students, Teaching Critical Evaluation Skills to Gen Y, and has appeared on the TV show Infinite Possibilities discussing the importance of e-portfolios. She regularly gives presentations outside of the classroom on job search strategies, as well as image management, business dining etiquette, public relations strategies, and business writing and speaking. Reece has delivered keynote graduation addresses at both the low and maximum security facilities in Allenwood, PA. A supporter of the understanding of the importance of multicultural communication, she has also lectured on cultural similarities and differences in Plymouth, England and Kemerovo, Russia. Reece is currently co-authoring a revision of Ready, Aim, Hired with Fred Coon.
At Lock Haven University, Reece has served on innumerable hiring committees as well as the Strategic Planning Partnership Committee, Strategic Plan Oversight Committee, Public Relations and Mobilization Committees and many others. She was highly instrumental in updating the communication program and served as chair and proposal author for a social media degree. Conne can be reached at CReece@lockhaven.edu.
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