I have a Great Dane named Big Dan. He is sweet, gentle, intelligent and, most of all, sensitive. Dan seems to understand my moods and feelings and reacts accordingly.
I wish I had Dan’s sensitivity but, unfortunately, I’m what those at The Myers & Briggs Foundation call a “thinking” person. Myers and Briggs are famed for developing a test that categorizes your personality into one of 16 types. One dimension of the test, used to classify your way of processing the world around you, is the thinking (T) vs. feeling (F) scale. This trait governs the way you evaluate situations and make decisions, and it has a profound effect on your communication and perception. Though you can certainly possess characteristics of both thinking and feeling, chances are you gravitate toward one or the other. Interestingly, roughly half of men are thinkers, while only about 25% of women possess this trait.
Numerous interpersonal and workplace problems result from the mysterious forces that make us thinkers or feelers. With a little understanding of the differences between thinkers and feelers, however, you can adjust your communication to improve interaction.
Thinkers focus on facts and think the truth is more important than feelings. They are objective and sometimes emotionally neutral. If asked how he or she feels about something, a thinker would likely say, “It doesn’t matter how I feel. It is what it is.” Furthermore, thinkers do not place a great deal of importance on tact and, because of this, are sometimes looked at by feelers as cold, uncaring, unfeeling, harsh, rude and blunt. Of course thinkers have feelings. They just don’t focus on them as much as do feelers.
As a professor of communication at Lock Haven University of Pennsylvania, I sometimes deal with students who are unhappy – to the point of tears – with their grades. I feel few emotions when I am grading. A bad grade to me is just a problem to be fixed, not a statement of what I think of that student on a personal level. It took me years to realize that my inability to hear students’ concerns about their grades emotionally was affecting how they saw me as a professional. Once I learned to read them better and adjust my interaction, I found that they responded better to my suggestions.
Feelings-oriented people focus on how they and others feel about what is going on. They seek to create harmony, and preserving others’ emotions is more important than the truth. Tactfulness is critical. Feelers drink in their emotions and process them on a personal level. They can be looked at by thinkers as dramatic, overly emotional, indirect, and taking things too personally. Feelers can certainly process facts. They simply place more importance on how they and others relate to those facts.
My friend Debra works as a manager at a fast food restaurant. She is a feelings-oriented person who experiences deep emotions. Her frustration grew intense one day when she was trying to discuss a problem with her boss, a thinker. I could hear the tension in her voice as she told me what she had said. His lack of emotion made the situation much worse for her and she left feeling defeated. I told Debra to try talking to him again, keeping her voice calm and offering solutions instead of just problems. It worked. He resolved the issue immediately.
You can tell what orientation you are by now. Furthermore, you can probably tell what orientation each of your loved ones, friends and co-workers has. You may be rolling your eyes thinking, “Yeah, that’s Bob all right,” but your ability to be flexible can build valuable workplace relationships. Here are a few pieces of advice.
- Try not to judge. There is no right way to be, and having both thinkers and feelers in the workplace leads to better decision making and cohesion. We have a tendency to expect others to communicate like we do, but that’s not very realistic. Those who communicate differently from you do not possess character flaws. They’re just different. No more, no less.
- If you are feelings-oriented, don’t assume others are trying to hurt you. Understand that thinkers have probably not attached a great deal of emotion to their statements. If your thinking boss says, “There are some typos in this report,” don’t hear “Your work is terrible. I don’t appreciate you.” Hear ONLY, “There are some typos in this report” and fix the typos.
- If you are a thinking-oriented person, zero in on understanding that your tone and phrasing might be interpreted as negative even when you feel neutral, so rephrase. Found typos in your supervisee’s report? Try offering a few positive comments before asking him or her to fix it. Try, “This is really well organized. I circled a just few typos. Would you mind having another look at it before I pass it on?”
The last time Big Dan got in trouble was for chasing a car. Knowing he had made a mistake, he reacted to the annoyance in my voice by falling over and exposing his huge underside. I laughed and called him a “drama king,” but admired his ability to gauge me.
Keep your own eyes open for behavior that reflects thinking vs. feeling orientation and learn to change and react accordingly. Doing so will improve others’ perception of you and boost your relationships in the workplace.
About the Author:
Conne Reece, Ph.D. has been a professor of communication at Lock Haven University of Pennsylvania for 23 years. She teaches basic- and advanced-level communication courses with topics including business speaking and writing, 
teamwork, leadership, professionalism, intergenerational communication, interpersonal communication, public relations, social media strategies, performance evaluation, basic supervisory techniques, proposal writing, and managing organizational culture and climate. Her primary area of expertise is in job search strategies including résumé and cover letter writing, e-portfolio development and interview techniques. In addition, she has interest in intercultural and family cultural issues that have an impact on workplace relationships. Reece won Lock Haven University’s Peers’ Choice Excellence in Pedagogy Award and is a Certified Professional Résumé Writer.
Reece has authored and co-authored dozens works including Managing Multigenerations for Profit and Harmony, A Psycholinguistic Comparative Study of the Strategic Conflict-handling Behavior of Russian and American College Students, Teaching Critical Evaluation Skills to Gen Y, and has appeared on the TV show Infinite Possibilities discussing the importance of e-portfolios. She regularly gives presentations outside of the classroom on job search strategies, as well as image management, business dining etiquette, public relations strategies, and business writing and speaking. Reece has delivered keynote graduation addresses at both the low and maximum security facilities in Allenwood, PA. A supporter of the understanding of the importance of multicultural communication, she has also lectured on cultural similarities and differences in Plymouth, England and Kemerovo, Russia. Reece is currently co-authoring a revision of Ready, Aim, Hired with Fred Coon.
At Lock Haven University, Reece has served on innumerable hiring committees as well as the Strategic Planning Partnership Committee, Strategic Plan Oversight Committee, Public Relations and Mobilization Committees and many others. She was highly instrumental in updating the communication program and served as chair and proposal author for a social media degree. Conne can be reached at CReece@lockhaven.edu.
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